


A Different Kind of Silence

by CreepE



Category: Naruto
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 20:56:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7547055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreepE/pseuds/CreepE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke walks through the village and reflects on the memories he and Naruto have created over time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Different Kind of Silence

**Author's Note:**

> 5 + 1 Memories  
> Hurm, I don't have an actual idea when this takes place, they're Shippuden age so maybe a what-if Sasuke hadn't left the village?

Sasuke’s first instinct when he awoke was to stretch out a hand to grab the warmth that should’ve been beside him and pull it closer. But when he stretched out his hand, it froze and he silently cursed himself for forgetting. The other side of the bed was cold and obviously hadn’t felt any warmth for a long time. Sasuke dropped his hand to the cold side and turned his face towards it, not moving for a few minutes until an alarm started chirping in his ear and he was forced to get up to turn it off. Once he was up, he couldn’t bring himself to go back to the empty bed, so he dressed and left the room quickly, not turning back as he firmly shut the door. The whole thing couldn’t have taken more than a couple of minutes, but it felt like he’d been awake in the empty room for hours. It was going to be another long day.

When he got to the kitchen, he had to curse himself again, because apparently in his tiredness the previous night he’d set the table for two. He could’ve put one of the place settings away, but instead he strode past the table and grabbed the first thing his hand touched when he opened the fridge. Again, without looking back at the room, he kicked the fridge shut and walked out the front door into the sunlight pouring into Konoha.

“Oops!” a familiar voice said as Sasuke stepped through his doorway. He stumbled a little and grabbed the shoulders of the girl who’d been standing outside his door with one hand raised to knock.

“Sakura?” he asked, frowning down at her as she picked up whatever he’d just knocked out of her hands. She made a face, holding it up.

“I was bringing you breakfast,” she muttered, glaring at the soggy bagel that had somehow found its way into a puddle. Mud dripped off of it and anything that ever seemed appetizing about it was totally gone. Sasuke shrugged and held up whatever was in his hand.

“Thanks, but I’ve already got some.”

“Cupped ramen?” Sakura asked in exasperation, and Sasuke paled when he realized that had been the first thing on the shelf. Upon seeing his expression, Sakura’s face completely changed into something more gentle and she reached up to squeeze his arm sympathetically.

“Sorry. I wasn’t even thinking. It must be hard for you, right? I also dropped by to see how you’re doing.”

Sasuke jerked his arm away like the sympathy stung and glared at her.

“I’m fine,” he snapped. “I’m not some weakling who goes around moping about every little thing. This is—this is nothing.”

The lie only got caught in his throat for a second but Sakura, brains that she was, picked up on it completely. She chewed her bottom lip worriedly and shook her head, but had the sense not to push the issue any further. This was why Sasuke appreciated Sakura; she picked up on little things and understood just how far ‘too far’ was. Unlike…

“Anyway, is that it?” Sasuke asked abruptly. “I’ve got some training to do and I’d like to get to it.”

“Sasuke…”

“Later.”

He turned his back on her, jammed his hands in his pockets, and walked on, hunched as if in pain. He could feel her eyes burning into his back, but he couldn’t turn and look at her pitying expression. He’d learned a long time ago that pity was useless, and looking it in the face wouldn’t help now. He had to train, he had to become stronger to protect the people he loved. The people he loved…

Lost in thought, he hadn’t paid any attention to where his feet were taking him, but now he wished he had. He was standing in front of the school, a few steps away from a familiar swing. It swayed gently in the wind, the old frayed rope twisting back and forth. He could remember looking over at the swing during parent-teacher gatherings, or during graduating ceremonies. For the longest time, one person had always sat on it all alone, their face creased in tiredness. He’d recognized the lonely, angry expression and had always been curious about how someone who smiled so much could look like _that_ when they were alone. He’d had no idea what the future held for him and the blonde on the swing.

Now he let his feet carry him to it and he reached out and wrapped his fingers around one of the ropes to stop the swaying. It felt familiar under his calloused palm, and the feeling took him unwillingly back into a memory.

* * *

 

            “There you are, loser,” Sasuke sighed with a roll of his eyes. He’d been looking everywhere but hadn’t been able to find the idiot sitting on the swing. This had been the last place he’d thought to look; he hadn’t really expected anyone to be here, but of course, here was the right place.

“Sasuke!” Naruto yelped in surprise, looking up from where he sat on the swing. He’d grown so much Sasuke was shocked the ropes still held up under his weight.

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke asked, supressing another sigh as he grabbed the swing’s rope to steady it and frowned down at the grinning blonde. Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and looked out over the empty schoolyard.

“I was just, you know, thinking about stuff.”

“You? Thinking?” Sasuke scoffed. Naruto scowled at him, but it was obvious his heart wasn’t in it. He looked back out into the yard with a distant expression on his face, and Sasuke felt his heart skip a beat. The sun cut Naruto’s face into shades of shadow and dappled light, and at that moment he looked achingly beautiful. Sasuke had to swallow back some sort of weird emotion in his throat; it wasn’t like him to get emotional or think of someone as beautiful. He looked away out into the empty yard and waited for Naruto to say something.

“We’ve come so far,” Naruto said suddenly into the silence, making Sasuke jump. Sasuke cast him a quick glance, wondering why his smile seemed so sad. He could still see the angry, fluffy haired brat Naruto once had been, and in his mind Naruto’s words switched from ‘ _We’ve_ come so far’ to ‘ _I’ve_ come so far.’ Still, there was more behind that sentence than Sasuke could interpret, and it was a weird feeling not to be able to read his teammate.

After waiting for Naruto to say more and getting nothing, Sasuke couldn’t hold his own words from bursting from his lips.

“Why did you sit here?” he asked nonchalantly, pretending like it wasn’t a question that burned his mind whenever he thought about it. Naruto had never seemed like the type who liked being alone, yet he sat in a lonely swing that was so decrepit people no longer came near it. Instead of mixing with the crowd and trying to get attention like he usually did, he seemed so subdued whenever groups of adults and kids mixed. Sasuke had once thought it was because he couldn’t stand the sight of loving parents since he had none, but Naruto had never seemed overly jealous of the kids with parents. More than anything, he’d seemed resentful.

“Sometimes I needed to escape,” Naruto said quietly, even the sad smile fading until he seemed drained.

“Escape what?” Sasuke asked, because even though he’d grown up an orphan, what Naruto was talking about was one thing he couldn’t understand.

“The way they looked at me.”

Naruto said it so simply, as if it made the most sense in the world. To him, it probably did. Sasuke had been hated before, sure, but it was always for a reason he could puzzle out on his own. A girl a guy liked had a crush on him, people were jealous, he had just made fun of someone… He knew what those looks were like, but he couldn’t understand what it must’ve been like to be hated without reason. To be looked at like your existence itself was a sin.

“If this is what you think about, you should let me do the thinking, loser,” Sasuke said. Naruto seemed to blink out of his reverie and he gave Sasuke a sheepish grin.

“Ah, it seems depressing, doesn’t it? But seriously, I’m not thinking anything super sad! I’m just happy I have you guys now. Sakura, Iruka, Kakashi, Jiraiya, and you… You’re my family. I never thought I’d be able to say that to anyone!”

Naruto laughed, his face bright and open. Sasuke had always thought Naruto was like a sun, but now he wondered if he’d been wrong all along. The sun burned away the darkness and beat down with a ferocious happiness on anyone walking under it. Somehow, Sasuke sensed that maybe Naruto hadn’t really burned away all of his darkness. Maybe he was closer to the moon… He lit his own way in the dark, and anyone else in the darkness could follow a lighter path because he was there.

“You’re so…” Sasuke began, but then he trailed off, shaking his head. There were so many ways he could finish that sentence, but none of them seemed adequate. Instead, he leaned in, gripping the swing and spinning it a little closer until he was face to face with his teammate. He leaned in further and kissed Naruto, his free hand coming up to tangle in a spiky mess of blonde and pull the other boy closer.

The kiss was long, slow, and gentle, and it kind of felt like coming home.

* * *

 

Sasuke quickly released the rope, stepping back and out of the memory. He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair as he tried to calm himself. It was no good, walking aimlessly around the village. No matter how much he tried to ignore thoughts of fluffy blonde hair and a mischievous smile, seeing memory-filled Konoha brought the image up again and again. He closed his eyes briefly and pressed his hand to his chest, digging his fingers into the fabric of his shirt.

“Hey, Sasuke,” a bored voice filtered in through his thoughts. Sasuke looked up to see Shikamaru sauntering down the road. The two of them hadn’t hung out much, mostly based on the mutual understanding that their respective personalities didn’t really match, but Sasuke didn’t mind Shikamaru. Their opinions on a lot of things matched up, even if their ways of going about end results didn’t.

“Shikamaru. Not with the rest of your squad or Temari? It’s weird to see you by yourself,” was Sasuke’s returned greeting. Shikamaru rolled his eyes to the clouds, shrugging with a tired sigh.

“I could say the same to you,” he muttered as he walked by. “If you’re that lonely, go hang out with Kakashi or Sakura. It’s annoying to watch you mope around like a lost dog.”

Sasuke opened his mouth for an angry retort before closing it, knowing that there was no point in wasting his breath on the lazy genius. Was it that obvious to everyone? He’d been so good at hiding his emotions when he was young, so good at putting on that mask. After Naruto, that had changed completely. Apparently it had changed for good, as well, since he couldn’t seem to put the mask back on. He scowled at the ground and let his feet carry him where they wanted. He could report to the Hokage for a mission, but if he was that obvious he didn’t want anyone seeing him.

Of course, his feet brought him to another place filled with happy memories that were now tainted by a hint of bitterness. When he looked up, he was looking at the dock he used to sit on as a lonely child, the one Naruto had once come to find him at.

* * *

 

            Although the person behind him tried to disguise their footsteps, they were clumsy at it, and a well placed kunai knife slicing a thin line of blood across their cheekbone made them stop. Sasuke glanced over one shoulder to see Naruto glaring at him with an immense frown.

“Are you crazy, Sasuke? You could’ve killed me! What if I’d dodged into the knife?!”

“If you’re stupid enough to dodge _into_ a knife, you deserve to die,” Sasuke snorted. He expected Naruto to childishly stick out his tongue and leave in a huff, but the orange-clad ninja seemed slightly more mature than Sasuke gave him credit for.

“Yeah, _whatever_ , Sasuke,” Naruto snarled, but he trotted down the dock and dropped beside Sasuke anyway. Sasuke raised a questioning eyebrow, watching Naruto scowl into the water. He waited for the idiot to speak as usual, studying Naruto as the blonde rocked back and forth, muttering to himself. He seemed almost… nervous, which was unusual for Naruto.

“Uh…” Naruto began, but then sweat beaded at his brow and he didn’t say anything more, choosing instead to kick at the water. There seemed to be a faint flush across his cheeks, and Sasuke tilted his head curiously, wondering what exactly his teammate wanted to say to him. It took another few Uhs and Ums and Hms for Sasuke to finally lose his patience.

“Will you just spit it out already?” Sasuke snapped, standing up. “You’re getting me all full of water and disturbing the only peaceful place around here.”

“Aw, shut up,” Naruto snapped back. “Just gimme a minute to think of how to say this!”

“I already gave you five,” Sasuke pointed out, crossing his arms. Naruto seemed to sweat even more before leaping to his feet and slapping a finger out to point aggressively at Sasuke.

“Sasuke Uchiha!” Naruto yelled. Sasuke wondered if this was going to be some of kind challenge. He mentally sighed; he’d come down here for some quiet, and now he was going to be challenged to a stupid spar to prove who was stronger. If it were anyone else, he would’ve kicked their ass, but the thought of fighting Naruto was, as always, more exciting than he cared to admit. They could go full out without hurting each other, interpreting each other’s moves with annoying accuracy, and exhausting each other’s chakra supply. At the end, laying side by side, somehow they always ended up laughing together because fighting was another way they talked. If anyone asked, he’d deny it, but Sasuke loved laughing with Naruto.

“W-will you come and g-get some r-r-ramen with m-me?” Naruto managed to ground out, his cheeks flaming. Sasuke was absolutely floored. He’d already taken up a defensive position, expecting a surprise attack as soon as he accepted the challenge, but apparently he’d completely miscalculated. He slowly straightened up and narrowed his eyes at Naruto.

“What’s wrong with your face?” was the first thing out of Sasuke’s mouth. The energy seemed to drain out of Naruto and he tugged at his hair, yelling out random words that didn’t seem to make sense.

“No, more important,” Sasuke said, if only to shut Naruto up. “Why are you so nervous to ask? We get ramen all the time.”

Naruto made a sound like a dying animal and the flames in his cheeks spread up to his ears and made him look like some sort of weird tomato with blonde fluff on its head. Somehow, Sasuke thought it was sort of cute, and the thought made him want to dunk his head in the river because that wasn’t something he usually thought about Naruto.

“D-d-d-da-da-dat-”

“Dattebayo?” Sasuke asked with a frown.

“A date!” Naruto screamed so loud the birds on the other side of the river took off. Sasuke’s eyes followed them instinctively, not only because it was sudden movement but because he suddenly found it was hard to look Naruto in the eye. A date? Was this some sort of joke?

“Quit joking around, loser,” he muttered, risking a glance at Naruto out of the corner of his eye. What he saw stunned him. The tension in Naruto’s shoulders was replaced by a depressed slump, and the brightness in his eyes was replaced with disappointment. There was no way Naruto had been serious, right? But instead of saying anything else or yelling, Naruto wobbled away, swaying from left to right as if he’d just experienced a huge shock. He kept saying “So harsh” under his breath, and “totally, utterly rejected.”

He was halfway up the hill when Sasuke finally gathered his thoughts enough to make the muscles in his mouth move. Enough to move his muscles, although still not enough to realize what he was going to say before it came out of his mouth.

“Naruto!”

The orange ninja jerked around as if on strings, nervously tapping his fingers together and shifting his eyes left and right.

“If you’re serious… uh… yeah.”

Naruto suddenly perked up like he’d just heard he was being made Hokage, he was learning the coolest move ever, and the person he liked had just accepted his confession.

“Seriously?” Naruto yelled.

Sasuke felt heat rise in his own cheeks as he glanced at his feet and gave one sharp nod. He had no idea why he’d accepted; he’d never really thought of Naruto like that. Had he? Out of everyone, he supposed he liked Naruto the best (the thought made him want to hit himself) and he’d caught himself admiring Naruto’s looks on occasion. But did he seriously like the idiot? _Naruto_?

As he frowned back into the water, his peace disturbed, a thought rose unbidden to his mind’s surface: _It doesn’t matter if you admit it to yourself or not, the feeling is still there._

He winced, not liking the way his own thoughts were going. He’d been alone for so long that thought of losing Naruto now was like losing his own soul. Dammit, he was already thinking about how he was going to lose Naruto and they hadn’t gone on a single date. He cursed himself over and over, wishing he’d said they should just remain friends.

Not realizing that in a few months he’d be kissing Naruto on a swing outside their old school like it was the most natural thing in the world.

* * *

 

“Torturing yourself isn’t helping anyone. Trust me,” a voice said, jerking Sasuke out of his head. He looked up to see Kakashi on a tree branch above him, watching him with a weary look. Sasuke said nothing, only narrowed his eyes until Kakashi leapt from the branch and landed neatly in front of him.

“So what do you think I should do? Just give in?” Sasuke challenged, frightened at how appealing the thought was. Kakashi let out a long sigh, as if Sasuke’s answer disappointed him.

“Of course. The sooner you do, the easier it’ll be. For all of us.”

“I won’t,” Sasuke said stubbornly. “Giving in makes me weak.”

“Your definition of weakness is a lot different than anyone else’s, then. Revisiting old haunts and getting lost in the past certainly isn’t helping your future. Do you think Naruto wanted—”

“I know what he wanted!” Sasuke growled. “I know he didn’t want me to suffer. But I’m not suffering. I’m fine, and I’ll be fine for as long as it takes. I won’t give in!”

Kakashi shook his head and reached out, making Sasuke flinch back. But Kakashi’s hand only patted Sasuke on the head as if he were a kid again.

“You’re still so young—too young to realize that the hole doesn’t fade with time. It gets more bearable, but it isn’t going to fade. Letting this continue is pointless, because you can’t win in the end.”

Sasuke brushed Kakashi’s hand off and stalked angrily past him, not saying another word. He was so angry he couldn’t speak; what did Kakashi know about it? How could Kakashi be sure this was something Sasuke couldn’t win? As he shoved past villagers in the street, he heard his name called yet again. He was so angry with everyone by this point that he almost blatantly ignored it, but the gentle sweetness of it was too much. He turned to see Ayame waving from Ichiraku Ramen. Great. Now his memories were literally chasing him down.

He made his way over to her, dragging his feet to prolong the inevitable. Why did it seem to take so much less time than his hurried dressing this morning?

“Sasuke, I have a standing order for you,” Ayame said kindly as he stepped through the curtain and up to the counter. His mind wanted to take a different seat than his usual one, but his body moved of its own accord. It felt strange to be sitting there alone—he didn’t love ramen all that much, so he rarely, if ever, ate it alone.

“A standing order?” Sasuke asked after he was seated. Ayame nodded and her father passed her a huge, steaming bowl. She set it in front of Sasuke with a flourish.

“Eat it. You need to keep your strength up in times like these.”

Sasuke eyed the bowl suspiciously, wondering who the standing order was from. It couldn’t be from… He gingerly thanked Ayame for the meal, broke his chopsticks, and took his first bite. The taste was accompanied by a memory so strong he felt like he was seeing stars.

* * *

 

            “So, I like beef ramen and pork ramen, but seafood ramen is pretty okay too. Turnip ramen isn’t the best because it doesn’t have meat, but it’s ramen so I mean it’s still better than anything other than ramen. Oh, but if you like really salty ramen then bacon ramen—”

“If you say ramen one more time, I’ll kill you,” Sasuke growled, pointing his chopsticks at Naruto threateningly. It was their first date and Naruto had been rambling on and on about what he thought Sasuke might like, using the word ‘ramen’ so many times that it didn’t sound like a word anymore.

Naruto got this weird, embarrassed look on his face and nodded, falling absolutely silent as he dug into his meal. Sasuke had ended up ordering the same thing, so they were both quiet while they ate, savouring a perfect meal. It should’ve been nice but it felt odd, mostly because Naruto was _never_ quiet like this, even with his mouth full.

“Hey, say something,” Sasuke muttered as he was halfway through his meal. Naruto peeked at Sasuke from the corner of one very blue eye then looked back at his meal and let out a small chuckle.

“I’m on a date, eating ra—my favourite food, with Sasuke Uchiha,” was Naruto’s idiotic answer, leaving Sasuke choking on his food as Ayame giggled.

“D-don’t just go around telling everyone!” Sasuke yelped. Naruto’s answering smile was so huge it seemed like his face would split in half.

“It just seems like something from a dream. Hehe, and you don’t need to worry about me telling anyone else; everyone already knows.”

“Everyone? Hold on a second, how many people did you tell?” Sasuke spluttered.

“Well, just our friends. Sakura, Iruka, Kakashi, Jiraiya, Gaara, Shikamaru, Kiba, Neji, Rock Lee, Hina—”

“So everyone literally means everyone?” Sasuke groaned.

“Well, I mean, I was excited!” Naruto said, his bright smile growing even more glow-y. “There’s nothing wrong with it, right?”

Nothing wrong? Nothing _wrong_? Naruto was an even bigger idiot than Sasuke had thought! How could he think it was alright?

“It’s just one date!” Sasuke burst out. “It’s not like we’re together or anything!”

Naruto’s smile faded into one of uncertainty as Ayame suddenly disappeared into the back as if to give them space.

“You mean… wait, do you even like me like that, Sasuke?”

Sasuke’s mouth flapped open at how blunt Naruto was. No subtlety, just straight out with the question. He didn’t know why it surprised him so much—it really shouldn’t have—but how was he supposed to answer when he didn’t know the answer to that himself yet?

“Do _you_ like _me_ like that?” Sasuke finally shot back, expecting it to throw Naruto off balance.

“Yeah,” Naruto answered without any hesitation, then flushed and dug into his ramen as if that would somehow help him hide from embarrassment. He didn’t push Sasuke for an answer, but he didn’t need to. He seemed to be strung as taut as a bow, waiting but not enjoying the wait. His shoulders were curled inward somewhat, as if expecting some sort of blow, yet he didn’t try to stop Sasuke from answering negatively or putting him down. How could anyone be strong enough to put their feelings on the line like that when they almost expected them to be crushed?

“What if it ruins us?” Sasuke whispered, his throat so dry he suddenly couldn’t take another bite. What if his love ruined Naruto, the way his family had been ruined? What if he let Naruto in and Naruto crushed him the way Itachi had? There was so much that could go wrong. They could both end up hurt beyond repair.

“Then we’ll start over and stay as friends,” Naruto answered easily, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. Sasuke studied him, and found that it was something Naruto seemed to have actually considered. He’d thought Naruto had up and decided he liked Sasuke and bulled on without giving thought to consequence, but he could see in Naruto’s eyes that this wasn’t just a spur-of-the-moment thing.

“If you promise it won’t end with us alone again, I’ll give you an answer.”

“I promise I won’t leave you, Sasuke. No matter what your answer is.”

Sasuke set down his chopsticks and glared hard at Naruto, pinning the orange ninja with his eyes. After a beat, he spoke.

“I l-like you t-too, loser,” he muttered, dropping his gaze halfway through.

“Yes! Sasuke likes me!” Naruto yelled, loud enough for it to be heard on probably every street in Konoha. Sasuke leapt from his seat with a curled fist, ready to punch the idiot for being so loud, but Naruto had also moved quickly and suddenly Sasuke forgot what he was about to do as Naruto kissed him. It wasn’t a peck on the lips either; it was a hungry, searching kiss that scorched Sasuke’s mouth and made every hair on his body stand up. Although there wasn’t really any finesse in it, its eager, clumsy passion was so _Naruto_ that Sasuke could feel heat pooling in his stomach and face.

When Naruto leaned back, it took Sasuke a moment to gather himself and focus his eyes back on Naruto’s face.

“You had some beef ramen on your lips. Ah, but please don’t kill me for saying ramen again! Oh no! I said ramen again! Ah!”

“I-idiot,” Sasuke stammered out reflexively, but he could feel a smile playing around his lips. If anything, he was the idiot, to be grinning at a time like this. But he couldn’t help it; a smirk found its way onto his mouth and stayed there through the entire rest of the evening.

* * *

 

“Aren’t you going to finish it?” Ayame asked, then covered her mouth with one hand. “Oh. Never mind. I’m so sorry.”

Sasuke raised his eyes from the ramen in confusion, wondering why she was apologizing, but another glance at the bowl showed him why. A drop plopped into the bowl, then another, and Sasuke had to reach up and furiously scrub the back of his hand across his eyes. He stood and stumbled away from the ramen shop, telling himself over and over that Ayame’s dad must’ve been cutting onions in the back.

When his tears didn’t subside, he started to run blindly. _I promise I won’t leave you, Sasuke._ That’s what he’d said, and he never went back on his word, right? It was his ninja way not too. So wasn’t his absence right now betraying his ninja way?

It was a vicious thought that Sasuke quickly banished, but other thoughts similar to it flew through his head faster and faster. The quicker they came, the quicker he ran, twisting through alleys, dodging playing children, leaping over trash, ignoring shouts of his name. When he’d finally tired himself out, he doubled over, panting. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. _He_ wasn’t supposed to be the one losing it.

Wiping sweat from his forehead, he took in his surroundings, then wished he’d run himself unconscious. To stop here of all places… But since he was here anyway, he may as well immerse himself in one more memory, despite the fact that this one was the most tortuous of them all.

He moved quietly, leaping up balconies to get to the familiar one he’d climbed so many times before they’d bought their own house together. He jiggled the window—there was a trick that he’d learned to get it open—and stepped through into a messy, nostalgic room. No matter how much time passed, this room never seemed to change.

Old, small clothes were strewn around the room in a mess, and ramen seemed to have fossilized on the table. The fridge made a weird sound that didn’t sound entirely healthy, and when Sasuke opened it he was struck with a scent so horrible he gagged. Slamming the door shut, he glared balefully at the piles of junk nudged out of the way to make a path to the window. Most of it was old food containers and clothes that were now rags, but a small pile of clothes in a much larger size sat near the bed. They were his own clothes—spares for when he’d spent long nights here with Naruto, and the only ones in the room that didn’t have orange on them.

He let out a small laugh as he stepped over junk to get to the bed, reaching out to touch the clothes with a shaking hand. He’d had no idea Naruto still kept these here; after they’d bought their own house, they’d rarely come here anymore.

He went to sit on the bed, then paused and removed the orange jacket he’d been about to sit on. He recognized the tears on this one intimately; it had been the shed the night after a date-turned-play-fight. He brought it up to his nose and inhaled. It even still carried the same scent; sweat, dirt, and some sort of wild scent that smelled more animal than human. Naruto had worn this the first time Sasuke had spent the night.

* * *

 

“Hey, are you alright?” Naruto’s hot breath ghosted onto the back of Sasuke’s neck as he buried his face in the pillow, nodding and not trusting himself to speak. It had hurt a lot at first, but now that he was getting used to it, there was way more pleasure and he was trying not to let any gross sounds out of his mouth.

“Is it okay?” Naruto whispered, his hands and body a hundred times more gentle than his eager kisses had led Sasuke to believe. Sasuke nodded again, his breath coming in quicker pants now as they found a rhythm.

“Sasuke,” Naruto moaned into Sasuke’s skin, his voice rumbling through the core of Sasuke’s being and making him dig his fingers into the sheets and bite the pillow hard to keep from making a sound. He had no idea how Naruto could be so focused in giving him pleasure when he was unfocused in everything else, but somehow he was managing. More than managing.

He was sure they were both getting close, when suddenly there was an absence and he was left gasping at the unfairness of it. He opened his mouth to protest, when he found himself flipped over, his wrists pinned above his head. He blinked in shock as Naruto offered him a mischievous, tender smile.

“W-wai… hn…”

Sasuke’s attempt at speaking was cut off by a moan as Naruto found the same spot he’d been driving Sasuke crazy with before. Somehow, in this new position, with Naruto’s eyes tracking his every move, the pleasure seemed amplified tenfold. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood to keep from letting his voice out, but Naruto shook his head.

“Please. I wanna hear if it feels good.”

It was beyond embarrassing, opening his mouth to let the sounds out, but once he parted his lips he couldn’t stop. He kept stuttering out Naruto’s name like a mantra, and Naruto’s look was so ridiculously pleased and loving that his brain short-circuited until all that existed was the heat rising from his loins and the face of the one he loved above him. Before this, they’d made a bet about who would hold out the longest, but the thought had long since flown from Sasuke’s head.

“Sasuke…” Naruto’s lips were tracing Sasuke’s ear, his voice stroking everything. “I love you.”

It wasn’t a fair bet, with Naruto having so much self-composure. Sasuke lost immediately after the whispered confession, albeit not by much—Naruto followed a few seconds later, done in by the look on Sasuke’s face.

Afterwards, as they lay together and Naruto went on eagerly about how great it was (“We need to do that again!” “Shut up, loser. If we do it again too soon I won’t be able to walk for a week.”), Sasuke spoke into a companionable lull in conversation.

“Naruto?”

“Hn?”

“I love you too.”

* * *

 

            Sasuke squeezed the jacket tighter, his breathing already beginning to come more erratically. How was he supposed to do this? How was he supposed to live like this? He couldn’t imagine a single day more without his blue-eyed, fluffy-haired lover talking about some new ramen he’d tried. Everything seemed so quiet, like the entire village had fallen into a cold hush in the absence of their loudest ninja.

“Naruto, I—”

Sasuke stubbornly choked off the words, unable to say them. He threw the orange jacket against the wall and left through the window, his fingernails carving crescent moons on his palms. At this point, he knew it was only matter of a time before he lost it, but he wanted to hold out as long as he could. Facing more pitying looks wasn’t an option, so Sasuke went the one place he knew no one would look for him.

The Memorial Stone. Ironically, the last conversation he’d had with Naruto had been right here, in front of this stone. He hadn’t been paying much attention to what he was saying, but he really should have, considering the fact that it was almost certainly the reason all of this had happened. He let out the smallest of sighs, walking up to the stone and tracing a finger across one of the names there.

U-z-u-m-a-k-i.

* * *

 

Naruto was running his fingers close to where future Sasuke would be, his expression wistful. Sasuke came to crouch beside him, looking at all the names of the heroes who had died in battle. There’d been an incredible amount since the beginning of the Konoha, testifying to the fact that many ninjas didn’t live long. All four Hokage names were carved into it, each of them dying to protect their village. It was here that Naruto’s hand lingered, pressed into the imprint of the Fourth’s name.

“I wonder if every Hokage dies for the village,” Naruto said, looking up with a clear, keen gaze. The thought made Sasuke intensely uncomfortable; he knew Naruto was so dead-set on becoming Hokage that nothing could change his mind, but he also knew the job came with a variety of dangers. Namely, the duty to protect the village no matter what.

“All the past ones, maybe,” Sasuke said. “But they keep getting stronger. Look how old the Third was. I’m sure the next ones will pass on peacefully in their sleep.”

Naruto chuckled at that, shaking his head disbelievingly. It made Sasuke angry, seeing how nonchalant Naruto was about the whole thing. He clenched his jaw but said nothing, choosing to opt for a tense silence.

“It’s not a bad thing, though, dying for the village,” Naruto said quietly. His eyes on Sasuke were kind and affectionate, making Sasuke squirm. “I mean, if _I_ had to die for the village, I’d know you’d be here to protect it. And I’d be happy if it meant you could live on with our friends. Even if it hurt at first, I’m sure—”

“I’d be fine,” Sasuke snapped, standing up. He didn’t know why, but he suddenly wanted to hurt Naruto. No, that wasn’t true—he knew exactly why. Naruto talking about his death as if it was some little thing that Sasuke would get over, like the death of a puppy or some random ninja… it pissed him off to no end.

“You’re arrogant if you think I’d get all weepy over you. I’d be totally fine, barely even hurt at all. How important do you think you are?”

His words had the desired effect; Naruto, wide-eyed, flinched back from them and stood as well. He bit his lower lip, keeping his eyes on the Memorial Stone as he spoke.

“I dunno, I just thought you might be a little. I mean, if I lost you I’d be totally lost. Even with all of our friends, I just don’t know how I’d be able to live after that.”

 _And you think I wouldn’t feel that way?_ Sasuke wanted to scream. _Only a little hurt?_ _You think if you died for the village I’d just get over it eventually and be happy? What the hell are you even thinking?_

But instead of saying all of that, he ground his teeth together and spat out:

“That’s because you’re weak. _You_ may not be able to live without me, but _I_ could live without you.”

It was so wrong to say on so many levels. After everything they’d been through, there was no way Naruto should’ve believed it, anyway. But Sasuke hadn’t realized just how worried Naruto had been about that deep down. If everyone looked at you like you shouldn’t exist, then all of a sudden you made a friend who seemed to love you, wouldn’t you be slightly worried that the whole thing was a farce?

Naruto laughed hoarsely under his breath.

“As expected from an Uchiha,” he breathed out, and Sasuke’s entire body stiffened. “Strong to the bitter end.”

“You’re such a _loser_ ,” Sasuke snarled, hurt making his words sharp. “Why don’t you just leave already? I’ll prove I can live without you.”

* * *

 

            Except, when he said that, he hadn’t really meant it. And then Naruto _had_ left; he’d gone to investigate a hideout of strange ninjas that had Orochimaru written all over them. And he hadn’t come back.

Sasuke sank to his knees in front of the Stone, pressing his forehead into it. Damn it all to hell. He started punching the stupid rock, lightly at first, then harder, with real intent. He smashed his fists into it as hard as he could; he wanted to break something. He kept the punching up until the stone was splattered with blood from his hand and he was pretty sure what he’d broken were all of his knuckles, and maybe his heart.

“Naruto, you’re such an _idiot,_ ” Sasuke murmured. “Do you really think I meant that? That I could live without you? How could anyone be that stupid, even you? Just thinking about you dying hurt so bad I could barely breathe. It hurt so much that I needed to hurt someone else. I only said all of that to hurt you back.”

The answer was only the cry of cicadas, and the leaves of trees rustling in the wind. Sasuke sank even lower until he was lying on his back in front of the stone, his bleeding hands stretched out to either side of him. He closed his eyes, his expression tight with pain.

“You win,” he whispered. “Do you hear me, Naruto? You win! So just… Come back already! Come back! Please…”

The cicadas and even the wind seemed to fall silent. Colours danced behind Sasuke’s eyes, coming and going as clouds passed over head and alternated between bathing him in light and shadow. Then, the shadows seemed to grow even darker and Sasuke could suddenly sense somehow standing over him. He slowly opened his eyes.

* * *

 

“If you really mean that, Sasuke, I’ll go,” Naruto said, his voice ragged. “But I won’t come back. If that’s how you feel, I won’t come back until you admit that it’s a lie.”

Sasuke snorted, turning his back on Naruto.

“You’ll come back before I admit anything. You already said that you couldn’t live without me. You’re the weak one, so you’ll be back long before I even open my mouth.”

“I won’t,” Naruto said stoically. Then he left.

* * *

 

            Naruto stood over him, not grinning like he’d expected, but looking much sadder than he should’ve. Everything—the tightness, the hole, the pain—it all disappeared, like a soothing wave of warmth had just come and healed it. Sasuke reached up and grabbed the bottom of Naruto’s jacket, pulling the orange ninja hard until he stumbled and fell beside Sasuke.

“I missed you, loser,” Sasuke growled, wrapping his arms around Naruto and allowing himself to fall into Naruto’s familiar scent. He breathed Naruto in, and the last of his worry disappeared until his entire body relaxed.

“I didn’t think you’d be that stubborn,” he heard Naruto mutter. “It was really hard for me too, you know? I thought at first you’d really meant it. Then, after you started crying at Ichiraku’s, I realized I was being dumb too. I shouldn’t have said that stuff about you getting over my death.”

Sasuke shook his head, his reply coming out muffled against Naruto’s jacket.

“I guess we’re both idiots, huh?”

“Yeah, we really are.”

They both lay together for a long, quiet moment, but the quiet was more comfortable than any silence Sasuke had experienced in the days he’d spent stubbornly resisting his desire to admit that he was wrong. He looked over Naruto’s shoulder at the Memorial Stone, where he’d been tracing Kushina’s name. The thought of another Uzumaki name on there had been like a physical stabbing.

“I’m sorry,” Naruto said suddenly. “I didn’t really think dying for the village would be that amazing. I felt kind of guilty actually, because the thought of leaving you behind… it hurt. I just didn’t want to admit it.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Sasuke admitted. “Neither of us really understood each other. We should probably work on that.”

“Yeah…” Naruto said, then buried his face in Sasuke’s hair. The last of the tension eased out of his body and he relaxed into Sasuke’s embrace. In that moment, they understood each other completely.

“I’m not even going to bother saying we shouldn’t fight anymore—if it’s you I know we’ll end up fighting again—”

“Hey!”

“—but how about we make another promise? No matter how bad the fight is, how about we don’t leave each other like that again? It was hard enough surviving this time. I don’t think I could do it a second time.”

Naruto finally smiled, then leaned down and kissed him, a sweet, heady kiss that lingered long after they separated.

“Okay, bastard.”

“Okay, idiot.”

Then they laughed for a long, long time and everything _was_ okay.


End file.
